Today, I was DJ'ing a wedding. The groom wanted a song played for his grandma and grandpa. I announce over the microphone for his grandparents to come to the dance floor for a special song. Turns out his grandparents have been dead for over a year and the song was supposed to be in dedication. FML

Today, I submitted a vacation request to my manager and it was approved. I came back from lunch and was informed that I have been let go. FML

Today, my mother took me to my first gyno visit. In the middle of the exam we somehow found out the doctor was the same person who called me yesterday to schedule a college interview. I was horrified. My mother, on the other hand, jokingly said: "Well now you'll know my daughter inside and out!" FML

Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML