From the desk of Mr. Umi Tomi Ukovakalich...
We've all seen them, their subjects read "URGENT REPLY" or "PLEASE I NEED YOUR URGENT HELP" or "FROM THE DESK OF MR. UMO TOMI YAMAGATO" or some dumb shit like that. You open the email and it's some bullshit about how your great-grand-nephew's uncle (who also happens to be the Prince of Zumunda) died in a plane crash along with his entire immediate family. BUT here's the good news! The almighty prince had a treasure chest of rare diamonds, rubies and of course cold hard cash (it's always some retarded ass amount like 10 million dollars) and the only living next of kin that can claim it is YOU! All you have to do is deposit the money into YOUR banking account and after a small finders fee from whoever this person is sending you this shit, the rest is yours to keep! It's all bullshit, and if you've never gotten one of these ridiculous emails you are among the lucky few. Lately I've been getting slammed with these obnoxious shits and it's really pissing me off. If anyone knows of anything simple and free thing that I can do to at least cut the amount of these things I get in half, by all means email a chick!
And if you have no clue what emails I'm talking about or have never seen one, here's one that I just got:
Dear Friend,
TOP SECRET
I am Mr Haris Ahmed, the director in charge of auditing and accounting
section of Bank of Africa,Ouagadougou Burkina faso West Africa with due
respect and regard.I have decided to contact you on a business
transaction that will be very beneficial to both of us at the end of
the
transaction.
During our investigation and auditing in this bank , my department
came
across a very huge sum of money belonging to a deceased person who
died in a plane crash july 2000 and the fund has been dormant in his
account with this Bank with out any claim of the fund in our custody
either
from his family or relation before our discovery to this developement.
The said amount was EIGHTHEEN MILLION united states dollars.
($18000.000.00) Meanwhile all the whole arrangement to put the claim
over
this fund as the bonafide next of kin to the deceased;get the required
approval and transfer this money to a foriegn account has been put in
place and directives and needed information will be relayed to you as
soon as you indicate your interest and willingness to assist us and
also
benefit your self to this great business opportunity.
Infact i could have done this deal alone but because of my position
in this
country as a civil servant(A Banker),we are not allowed to operate a
foriegn account and would eventually raise an eye brow on my side
during the time of transfer becuase i work in this bank. This is the
reason
why it will require a second party or fellow who will forward claims
as
the next of kin to the bank and also present a foriegn account where
he
will need the money to be retransferred into on his request as it
may be
after due verification and clarification by the correspondent branch
of the
bank where the money will be remitted from to your own designation
bank
account.
I will not fail to inform you that this transaction is 100% risk
free.On
smooth conclusion of this transaction;you will be entitled to 30%of
the
total sum as gratification;while5% will be set aside to take care of
expenses that may arise during the time of transfer and also
telephone
bills; while65%will be for me.Please;you have been adviced to keep top
secret as i am still in service and intend to retire from service
after we
conclude this deal with you.
I will be monitoring the whole situation here in this bank until you
confirm
the money in your account and ask me to come down to your country
for subsequent sharing of the fund according to percentages
previously
indicated and further investment,either in your country or any
country
you advice us to invest.All other necessary vital information will be
sent
to you when i hear from you.
Please reply to this email : haris_ahmed01@myway.com
I look forward to receive your email.
Yours faithfully
Mr Haris Ahmed.
And if you have no clue what emails I'm talking about or have never seen one, here's one that I just got:
Dear Friend,
TOP SECRET
I am Mr Haris Ahmed, the director in charge of auditing and accounting
section of Bank of Africa,Ouagadougou Burkina faso West Africa with due
respect and regard.I have decided to contact you on a business
transaction that will be very beneficial to both of us at the end of
the
transaction.
During our investigation and auditing in this bank , my department
came
across a very huge sum of money belonging to a deceased person who
died in a plane crash july 2000 and the fund has been dormant in his
account with this Bank with out any claim of the fund in our custody
either
from his family or relation before our discovery to this developement.
The said amount was EIGHTHEEN MILLION united states dollars.
($18000.000.00) Meanwhile all the whole arrangement to put the claim
over
this fund as the bonafide next of kin to the deceased;get the required
approval and transfer this money to a foriegn account has been put in
place and directives and needed information will be relayed to you as
soon as you indicate your interest and willingness to assist us and
also
benefit your self to this great business opportunity.
Infact i could have done this deal alone but because of my position
in this
country as a civil servant(A Banker),we are not allowed to operate a
foriegn account and would eventually raise an eye brow on my side
during the time of transfer becuase i work in this bank. This is the
reason
why it will require a second party or fellow who will forward claims
as
the next of kin to the bank and also present a foriegn account where
he
will need the money to be retransferred into on his request as it
may be
after due verification and clarification by the correspondent branch
of the
bank where the money will be remitted from to your own designation
bank
account.
I will not fail to inform you that this transaction is 100% risk
free.On
smooth conclusion of this transaction;you will be entitled to 30%of
the
total sum as gratification;while5% will be set aside to take care of
expenses that may arise during the time of transfer and also
telephone
bills; while65%will be for me.Please;you have been adviced to keep top
secret as i am still in service and intend to retire from service
after we
conclude this deal with you.
I will be monitoring the whole situation here in this bank until you
confirm
the money in your account and ask me to come down to your country
for subsequent sharing of the fund according to percentages
previously
indicated and further investment,either in your country or any
country
you advice us to invest.All other necessary vital information will be
sent
to you when i hear from you.
Please reply to this email : haris_ahmed01@myway.com
I look forward to receive your email.
Yours faithfully
Mr Haris Ahmed.
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